Taking time for siblings
By Denise Brewitt
Published: Wednesday, November 12, 2008
When a family has a child with a disability, or chronic illness, the family dynamics can be severely tested. Brothers and sisters often go through the same emotions the parents go through and need time to adjust to the diagnosis and the physical changes their sibling might be going through. Siblings might feel sad, depressed, angry, afraid, jealous and even guilty that they can’t fix the issues their brother or sister deals with. Your child’s reaction will be dependent on their age and level of maturity.
<b>Reach out to family members, friends and neighbors for support.</b> For a young child, adjusting to a brother or sister’s condition or disability creates a profound effect on their families and lifestyle. Doctor’s visits, hospital stays and even routine care of their sibling might interfere with their schedules and throw a kink into their normal routine. You don’t have to handle these pressures alone. Offer to participate in carpools to help organize your schedule around events so you can plan doctor’s appointments or therapies accordingly.
<b>Maintain your child’s trust by being honest about what is going on. </b>Your children look to you as their parent for answers and guidance. You might find that your child feels included and helpful if they’re able to assist their sibling with things. The illness or disability is something they’re unable to control, but helping out and making a difference allows them to have control over a situation that at times can be overwhelming.
<b>Keep lines of communication open and encourage them to share their feelings. </b> Communication doesn’t have to be verbal; music, drawing and writing are wonderful ways for them to express how they feel. Sharing a journal between a parent and a child gives a child a way to express their feelings in writing, feelings they might not be able to say in person to you. Allow them this opportunity to be honest and share their thoughts and feelings. Give them the validation they deserve.
<b>Learn how to be empathetic towards others. </b>This is a basic of developing citizenship skills. Siblings of a child with a disability or chronic illness will often develop a greater respect and understanding of people with different abilities. As your children grow their relationships will change and they will fill different roles for each other. Starting out as their first social network they may turn into the role of teacher, advocate, caregiver, protector and friend. Sibling relationships in any family are important, unique and special.
<b>Utilize social workers and seek out support groups for the entire family to help your family with this process. </b> Taking care of a child with a chronic illness or disability is not an easy task. Beyond the needs of the child with the illness or disability you will also have to address the emotional impact it has on the entire family. Fortunately this balancing act doesn’t have to be done alone. Every family is faced with challenges. What makes a great family is how they deal with these challenges, overcome obstacles and support and love one another through them.
<i>Denise Brewitt is the Executive Director of the Council for Children and Adolescents with Chronic Health Conditions. For more information on the Council, visit www.ccachc.org.</i>